Shredding My Sanity
by Lilly Winters
Summary: After all is said and done, Zim will always stand out; especially since her family lives off of science. But Gaz doesn't let this interfere with their relationship, that is, until he is captured and imprisoned inside Professor Membrane's lab. Soon her dad and Dib will find that science has gone too far as a new beast is unleashed from the one Gaz trusts most.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**

**The sequel to Graveyards of Understanding is here! *dramatic music plays* I have a feeling you will all like this one. It is much like the other one. I know the title is confusing, but as you read more of the story, you will grow to understand it. Enjoy.**

**I do NOT own Invader Zim.**

Blankets wrapped themselves in a lulling cocoon around her resting body. Gaz smiled thoughtfully in her sleep and for once, sweet dreams existed in her mind. But something was wrong. Very wrong. And it showed as she shot up and gasped.

"Zim!"

A soft beep filled the room. The stench of chemicals fogged his mind. Frozen metal restrained his limbs.

_Let me go._

_ Got to get out._

_ It's so bright._

_ Never trust a human._

_ Never trust a human…_

With eyelids peeling open, a beam of light scalded his delicate eyes. He squinted and frowned, wriggling and squirming to get free but to not avail. Avoiding the light, he peered through hazy eyes at the being sitting on the chair in the corner. Eyebrows furrowed, mouth frowning, he felt something snap within. Dib.

"You…" his unrecognizable voice growled.

A nearby metallic table cradling knives and beakers caught his attention. One in particular, with water gently boiling inside, triggered a reaction in the young Irken. Only then could he feel the flesh and tissue inside the passage of his throat cracking and tearing from lack of hydration. Even if it was the very element that held the power of burning him, for a reason unknown to him, he found himself craving it.

Soon a group of men clad in lab coats, entered the room, holding various objects. The head of the group, a man with black hair and goggles fastened firmly to his face, stopped by Dib and began a conversation.

_His father_, his mind groaned.

He watched closely, though his line of vision was cut off when a man stepped before him and pulled the sleeve of his uniform back. A shock of pain shot through his arm like a bullet and not much later did he see the cord of an IV running down his arm and piercing his flesh. In the pouch at the end, a purple liquid floated lifelessly inside.

Though he knew not of the substance, panic struck his mind. His body begun to shook uncontrollably, his vision fading. He screamed loudly before fainting.

Behind his still body, the Professor rested a hand on his son, who stared thoughtlessly, clutching the Irken's wig and contacts.

"You have done well, son."

**A/N**

**Wow. That was a little harsh. I know you are probably hating me right now for the obvious cliffhanger, but don't worry! I will update soon :). Thanks for all of the support for Graveyards of Understanding and I hope you enjoy this story as much as you did that one!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**

**Chapter 2 is here. Sorry for the wait. Enjoy!**

His body ached, his mind raced, and yet their ongoing experiments refused to end. They picked and prodded at his exhausted body; fluids were given, injections made contact, and looks of wonder and interest were exchanged.

Without free use of his arms and the restrictions placed of his PAK's abilities, he was helpless. He could merely watch as they stabbed at his body. Dib's father stepped forward.

"Tell me, creature, do you speak English?"

Zim stared bitterly, refusing to answer. The professor rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Perhaps he does not understand…"

"Don't let him fool you, Dad. He knows English fluently. Don't you remember all those times I introduced you too him? I knew he was an alien back then, but no one would listen," Dib sneered at the Irken. "But I guess things have changed, haven't they, Zim?"

Zim gritted his teeth in frustration. The professor simply nodded.

"Right. Proceed with injection CD41."

"What's CD41, dad?"

"A formula made just for this occurrence. You see, son, any being it is given too will begin to display the characteristic traits of that of a human. If they did not already, they will soon require oxygen to breathe, water to live, and food to survive. Soon he will become one of us."

Zim's struggle grew more frantic at the new information.

"Is that dangerous? Won't it just kill him," Dib wondered, "I mean, we've come all this way. If he dies, there is so much we will miss out on."

"Don't worry, son. If any problems arise, we will simply cut off the injections. It is as simple as that."

A pat on the head and Dib's father returned to his work. The human's attention refocused on the alien and watched closely as the distance between his flesh and the needle slowly faded. Zim called out in pain when the chemicals entered his body and flowed recklessly through. It was as if the substance latched onto each cell individually and ripped the DNA from it. His body shook, his head was pounding, and for once, Db began to reconsider what he had done.

Through watery eyes and a strained voice, Zim hissed lowly, "I swear, worm-child, you will pay for this. You and the rest of these humans."

And for the first time ever, Dib felt afraid while he stared into the ruby aura's of the Irken's eyes.

"Where are you, Zim?"

She checked his base, she interrogated Gir, and yet Gaz came up empty-handed. No sign of the Irken, just an unnerving silence that was birthed from his absence. She peered through the window of his house and sighed at the sight of the empty couch. Gir, too, had begun his own search for his master. It was not like Zim to leave without a trace. He either told her of his whereabouts or stuck to the safety of his home. Of course, that is unless Dib did not interfere.

Her heart tightened.

Without a second thought, her hand stole the phone from the grip of her pocket and dialed her brother's number. No one answered.

"No! Pick up, Dib!"

The phone ignored her pleas and the dead ringing droned on. She stuffed the device away and began the journey to her father's lab. If there was any way possible that Dib had finally succeeded in capturing him, Zim would not have much time.

"Just hold on, Zim," Gaz whimpered, "I'm coming."

**A/N**

**Just a quick heads-up: there may be a bit of violence in the next chapter. I am not sure and I know you probably don't care, but I just wanted to warn you. Poor Zim. But don't worry Zagr lovers! Gaz is on her way :). Chapter 3 will be up shortly. And sorry for any obvious mistakes. I am just dead tired :l**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while! School has just been suffocating me. Word of advice: NEVER take Computer Aided Drawing (CAD). I will simply say it is so hard and mind-boggling that if you sign up for the course, you will probably huddle up in the corner of you room each night, rocking while thinking, "Why did I freely choose to take THIS class?" Okay maybe I am being dramatic, but you get the point XD. I hope you enjoy this chapter. This is where the story begins getting good :).**

"Great," Dub muttered, "just when we think the experiments are going smoothly, something has to interfere. Something always has to interfere."

Tests and examinations on the young Irken had been progressing when suddenly the power to the entire building shut down. Unbeknownst to both Dib and Zim, help was on the way.

He entered the grassy field just behind the laboratory in search of the main generator. For the life of him, he could not understand exactly how the power was cut off. It was not a natural glitch in the system. If it had been, the backup generator would have kicked in and powered the building until the main one had been repaired. The only other possibility that was left was that it had been manually shut off by someone. But only Professor Membrane, Dib, and Gaz knew of the password required to do such a thing.

He knew his dad had not done it for he was in the room when it occurred and Dib did not do it. Either someone managed to hack through the security system, which was doubtful, or it was Gaz.

"That's impossible. She doesn't even know where we are right now. No, it couldn't be her."

Yet he was baffled when he saw his younger sister standing before the generator, arms crossed and the power switch clearly off.

"It was you," Dib accused.

"Where is he, Dib?"

Dib frowned, shaking his head. "Who?"

"Don't play stupid. You know exactly who! I've already been to his base and he wasn't there. Gir has no clue where he is and every time I try to contact him, he doesn't respond. There is no other place he would be and you and I both know that. That only leaves you. "

Dib scoffed and scooted passed her to return the power. However, she lunged at him and threw him against the trunk of a nearby tree.

"Tell me where Zim is."

He squirmed to obtain his freedom, but was surprised to find that she was much stronger than he was. _This does real great for a man's ego_, he thought to himself.

"Gaz, just settle down. Dad is taking care of everything."

"What do you mean," she frowned.

He turned the other way.

She growled and threw him to the side, running towards the lab.

"Don't interfere, Gaz! It'll only make it worse!"

She ignored his warning and trampled through the towering grass brushing against her legs. The thick humidity floating in the July air caused her clothes to stick to her glistening, sweaty skin. Her heart burned and her mind failed to think straight, yet she continued on. Once she was inside the mass building, she began her search for her Irken partner.

Time was consumed as each room was searched. When she noticed a group of scientists caught in a heated discussion, she slipped passed them and entered the room they had exited seconds earlier. There she found his limp body.

"Zim?"

She shook his shoulders, but he did not respond. Only when she saw the steady rising of his chest did she rush to the computers, punching away at the keys and entering the password to his ultimate freedom. The metal restraints digging into his wrists and legs released their iron grip.

She dragged him off of the dissection table, lifted his arm over her shoulder, and, with little difficulty, heaved him out of the room. She ceased at the corner and peered across the hallways. Her heart stopped when she spotted the scientists returning.

Her eyes flicked about to search for an escape. They swiftly landed on a chemical shoot long abandoned. She recalled her father explaining how such passages were used to dump aged, unfeasible chemicals that were no longer of use. It eventually led right outside the laboratory into a heap of sand which usually contained the substances until they faded over time. Due to the lack of use of one particular shoot, she knew it would be safe. _It will be much safer through there than risking our lives in here_, she thought.

The metal door slid open and she crawled inside after placing his wilted corpse within. Frequently, she lost her way in the maze of twists and turns. Though a ray of light or an echoing hum always guided her on the correct path.

It was not easy tugging Zim through passages while minding the level of noise. Even the slightest sound would alert everyone of their location. She ignored the possibility of drawing attention, though, when a shrill siren shattered the atmosphere.

It was for Zim. They had discovered his absence and were now eager to retrieve their specimen at any cost. She kissed his forehead and stroked his skin lightly.

"I won't let them get you again. I promise."

She sighed at the lack of response, but pressed on anyways. An unexpected bend in the tunnel snatched her by surprise as she and Zim fell from the shoot and landed onto a sturdy pile of sand. Just as she had thought, they were outside in a large meadow.

"We're almost there. We'd better get going."

She stood, faced the forest nearby, and reached for his hand. She gasped when something tackled her to the ground and leaned its weight atop her. Her first thought was one of the guards at the laboratory had discovered her. She fiercely believed her eyes were betraying her when she peered up and saw Zim, teeth clenched and eyes piercing.

**A/N**

**I have a feeling you will like the next chapter ^-^**


	4. Chapter 4

"Zim! Oh, I thought that they—"

He stuffed his claws over her mouth.

"Silence," he whispered, drawing a finger to his lips.

She shoved him away and grasped the stinging flesh surrounding her lips.

"That hurt," she snapped. "What's wrong with you? More importantly, what happened in there?"

He followed her finger pointing accusingly at the laboratory, but merely shook his head and overlooked the question.

"Is there water nearby?"

"What?"

He tackled her to the ground, aiming a metallic leg at her throat.

"Water, human! Tell me where it is!"

She withdrew the bladed metal shard and shoved it to the side, glaring up at the alien. Though she was frightened, it never showed. It appeared as that of rage.

"Don't try that again. And I don't know where any water is besides a stream running through the forest."

He hoisted her up effortlessly.

"Show me."

"Not until you tell me what has happened."

His antennas perked, his fists balled, and she could see the veins tighten below his uniform. His sudden craving for water, the irrational aggression; what had happened to the one she knew?

"Let's go," she said, walking away.

"You are taking me?"

"Yes. Come on."

He followed closely behind without a word, though she could feel his eyes studying her. She glared back at the stranger. Both refused to look away. Zim's challenging eyes slowly beat down Gaz's who grew bored with the entire ordeal.

She could not help but to feel alone. Though the being she gave her heart to walked within inches of her, it was not the alien she knew from before. Unlike his usual self, he remained silent, timid and indefinite.

They arrived at the flowing stream and before the chance had arrived for her to announce the discovery, he pounced at the water and began scooping up puddles to bring to his ever-waiting mouth. No steam, no discomfort, nothing; he was completely unharmed as the once-lethal liquid made contact with his delicate skin.

She shuffled to the side until she was in the midst of his peripheral vision. He paid no mind as he continued. She sighed, deciding to rest against a small boulder. It was then that she realized just how much she had been running around in search of Zim. A sharp pain shot through her legs, causing her to wince.

Zim faced her and swiftly crawled over to her, leaning atop her.

"Will you stop doing that," she mumbled.

However, her voice was silenced when his hand glided over her legs and up her thigh. She peered up at him, yet he remained in a trance. She squirmed uncomfortable.

"Zim?"

"How is it that I can remember someone I have never met?"

She sighed. "We have met. We've known each other for years. But those scientists did something to you. Whatever it was caused you to forget who you are. Who I am…"

He rolled an antenna between two fingers.

"Remind me."

Her hands fell around his neck and pulled him into a delicate kiss. Yet when she moved away, she saw no familiarity in his eyes. She shook her head and crawled out from beneath him.

"We were that close?"

From her perch on the rock, she nodded. "Yes. Very close. We loved each other even though everybody wanted to keep us apart. The last time I saw you, you, me, and Dib were all talking. I thought it was going well, so I left you two alone. That was the last time I saw you. Next thing I knew, you were gone and I couldn't find you anywhere. I searched everywhere, but I didn't know where to look next. Then I finally thought of Dib and found him, and you, here at my dad's lab."

"That is your father's lab?"

She nodded.

"And whatever they did to you caused you to forget everything. You act more like a human then anything." She stopped herself. The desire for water, lack of pain with the fluid, and overall change; he was acting like a human. Perhaps that is what they did to him.

"No," she shook her head, growing frantic, "Dad wouldn't do that. Dib wouldn't let him…let him…" She gasped. "No…No! Zim, do remember anything they did or said? Anything?"

"I remember an examination table…"

"And?"

" A man and his son and a bright, bright light hanging over me…"

_A man and his son._ That had to be Dib and her father.

"It's probably my dad and my brother. Anything else?"

He opened his mouth to speak when he winced and sparks flew from his back. His hand immediately clung to his PAK. She observed the small metal dome strapped to his back to find it badly damaged.

"That may be the cause for your behavior, but it doesn't explain why you are able to drink water or why you even want it at all. I need to talk to Dib, but they can't see you. I don't want to leave you alone either."

His PAK legs extended and he glared at the laboratory far off in the distance.

"Human, I must admit that I do not even know who to trust anymore."

"My name is Gaz and you know you can trust me. I told you how close we were."

"For all I know, that could be stories created to bemuse my senses enough to imprison me."

"I'm on your side, Zim!"

"You are related to the very people who did this to me, are you not?"

Her eyebrows furrowed.

"But that doesn't make me them."

He peered crossly down at her.

"I cannot take any chances."

He slipped away into the darkness, making his way to the building glowing with lights and sirens. She chased after, eyes burning from the sweat dripping from her brow. She quickly lost sight of the Irken and it was even longer before she found him again.

Running through the halls, her eyes darted swiftly in and out of each room. So far, no sign of Zim. In fact, there was no sign of anyone. She ran past the room she had originally found him in when her eyes caught hold of the sight of splattered crimson. Her heart pounded and she found her chest tighten as she slowly backed up.

"Oh. Oh, no."

Blood was smeared across the floors and walls, lifeless corpses littering the floor. A clean hole pierced in the center of each torso marked every individual lying on the ground. She crossed the platform and ran down the steps leading down to the very examination table that Zim had been strapped too. She arrived in time to see him ridding the metallic leg of a freshly dead scientist.

"Zim? What have you done?"

He turned, contacts and wig in hand. Placing the wig loosely on his head with strands flaring in each direction, he slid the lenses onto each eye.

"They cut me, stabbed me, and caused me to bleed," he sneered at the carcasses resting on the red, splattered white tiles. "I repay their pain."

"You killed them," her hand cradled her head as she slid against the wall and onto the floor, "I know what they did was wrong, but did they deserve to die?"

He growled, turning away to sort through the papers stacked on a counter.

"Where's Dib? Where's my dad?"

"Unfortunately, I have not located them yet. However, they, too, will perish shortly."

"No," she rose, "you are not hurting anybody else. I won't let you."

"Oh?" He crawled towards her, smirking heartlessly. "Tell me, what will you do? And are you not the same human that despises all humanity? I thought you of all people would enjoy witnessing the slaughter of those around you."

"I thought you couldn't remember me?"

"I was able to retrieve much of my memory with this." He withdrew a small chip. "The main memory frame of my PAK. The foolish Earthlings stole it from me when they captured me."

"Still, it doesn't justify murdering innocent people."

"Innocent?" He glared down at her. "You label them as innocent? The ones that tortured me ruthlessly are innocent? Hmm, and you claimed to love me."

"I did, Zim. I still do. This isn't you. I know it isn't."

He growled deep within his throat and pressed her to the wall.

"Tell me, Gaz," he groaned, licking up her neck. "How much do you love me?"

She shuddered, shoving him away.

"I don't love you. I love Zim, the one who was there for me when I was grieving my mother's death. The one that helped me to move on. Not the one that I had to protect my family against!"

He roared loudly. She stepped away, quite taken aback. He moved to attack her, but staggered back and dragged his hands up to his head. He clung harshly to his temples and collapsed to the ground. The metallic legs squirmed loosely before retracting. She stood by him and leaned over, holding his face up in her hands. He breathed with great difficulty, eyebrows fallen in pain.

"Gaz…Please, forgive me…"

"It's okay," she spook softly, "it's going to be okay."

The presence of the fallen humans surrounding him became known.

"What have I become?" Tears fell from his eyes and landed upon his cheek. He moaned with pain as smoke rose. She rubbed the liquid away, then stopped.

"It's hurting you again."

He squinted up at her, grazing the side of her face with the back of his glove.

"What?"

"Before, you were able to drink water and it didn't hurt you. Now it is. Why—"

His head gradually slipped to the side in exhaustion. She nodded and allowed him to rest on her legs.

"It's going to be okay," she repeated.

He lifted his hands to find blood dripping from his claws.

"I'm sorry, Gaz," he whispered. "I'm so sorry."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I was typing another story. It was a Powerpuff girl story ^-^ I know, real mature. But it was actually pretty good. It's called Daddy Never Taught Me, in case any of you invader Zim fans are also Powerpuff girl fans XD. Anyways, enjoy this chapter!**

He looked dead. With hands floating limply off of the table, legs dangling, and eyes staring lifelessly at the ceiling, the gruesome sight sent a chill throughout her to see him such a way. His contacts and wig had long been removed, tossed aside to forget the entire ordeal. All that was left was to find out what happened. She had managed to pick up bits and pieces from Zim in his sleep, though it was only the occasional mumble or troubled groan. From what she put together, the scientists injected something into him that his body was not taking kindly too. What was once intended to 'civilize' him had malformed him into a beast.

"All of this to make you more human," Gaz groaned as she paced the hollow floor of Zim's base. She had long taken him to the comfort and safety of his home. Even though the scientists or Dib could have shown up any minute, she knew he needed medical treatment and with the city hospital out of the question, there was no other option left. Luckily she was able to camouflage his home to look like it had been ripped from the ground, as if it had never existed.

Hours had passed without a single word coming from the Irken. The silence was maddening. Each thud, every crash, the hiss of the machinery; it rang in her head. She clawed at her ears to drown out the sound, but only found it making it that much worse.

A soft whimper echoed. She turned to see Gir grazing Zim's face with his small metallic hand. A lone tear leaked down onto Zim who burned in response. Gir wiped the lone drop away and peered at Gaz as though he were a child who had harmed someone unintentionally. In his mind he was.

"I didn't mean too," he sniffled, glancing at his soggy hands dripping with tears.

"It's okay, Gir. He'll be alright. You'll see," she stated with over-confidence. How could she manage to say it to someone else when she was so unsure herself? When she stared into his solemn eyes down to his tear-covered hands that clutched a rubber pig, she sighed. "He'll be okay…"

The sun was now peeking over the hills, tapping a finger on the window to request permission to spring into the sky. The moon let out a blurry yawn and sank below, out of sight.

"Are you hungry?"

Gir nodded meekly.

"Keep an eye on him. I'll be right back."

Whether it was wise to leave Gir standing watch, she did not know. But she could not afford to spend another moment down in the shadowy basement where light did not exist. She would search for medicine to aid her pounding head, but being in an alien's house it was highly unlikely that she would find it.

The pancake batter splattered into the base of the pan, sizzling and sputtering, and in the time that it cooked, it freed her mind to wander. Mostly, the thoughts consisted of useless curiosities such as questioning whether or not Irkens got headaches to if they had medications like humans.

"Why do I even bother thinking this worthless stuff," she questioned aloud. But she knew herself better. Every time she thought about peculiar thoughts, it usually meant she was attempting to avoid the real problem at hand. She wanted to help him, yet she wanted to avoid it all. She didn't want to think about Zim. She did not want to face the possibility that after this whole mess was straightened out, she may have already lost him.

Smoke filled her nostrils, stinging her lungs. Coughing, she peeled the burnt slab of breading away from the pan and irritably threw it in the trash. After a while, a fresh stack waited patiently on a plate which she dragged off of the counter and brought down to the basement. She observed Gir closely as he drowned the pancakes in a pool of syrup. Tossing the now-empty bottle aside, he smothered his face within the messy glop.

A sticky hand inched towards her face. She declined the offer. Gir resumed and pounced back into the midst of his food. She shook her head, choosing to ignore the faint gurgling coming from him. Instead she made her way over to Zim.

"You'll be fine," she whispered as though trying now to convince him. She lightly traced his jaw line, passed his shoulder, down his arm, and onto his hand. His hand twitched lightly in response. She waited momentarily before assuming he was still dreaming. His hand quickly closed around hers, enveloping her snowy skin in black leather. She gasped, though quickly felt his forehead with her free hand. He was burning up and visible drops of sweat had long gather atop his forehead.

"We should have never been together," she shook her head. "All of this is my fault. If you and I hadn't gotten so close then Dib would have never…"

But he did not respond.

"And yet…I would never change it. I don't want to see you go through this," she smiled sadly, "but you've made me so happy. I was dying silently and you saved me. Now you need to let me save you." Her hand tightened around his."Please. Just wake up. I love you."

Yet he remained silent.

With a light kiss upon his face, she crawled onto the examination table and rested beside him.

"Why won't you wake up?" She squinted to trap the tears behind her eyelids. "I need you."

**A/N**

**It was pretty short, but I'd hoped to reflect on Gaz's pain as she watched Zim recover helplessly. Thanks for reading and I hope you like the next chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N**

**I decided to write another chapter as my way of saying, "Sorry for taking so long!" Just a warning though: the end of this chapter may get a bit, uh, "suggestive". It's nothing M rated; it's basically just Zim going creepy again. I hope you like it though. Enjoy!**

Something was tickling her nose and it was irritating her. She tried sweeping it away, but it returned nevertheless.

"Zim," she mumbled, still asleep, "cut it out…"

Her eyes fluttered open to find Gir's antenna lightly stroking the tip of her nose. His slumbering form grasped her arm tightly and twitched every now and then from a dream. It was then that she noticed.

"Zim?"

He was gone.

She questioned just how long she had been asleep when she saw the moon already hanging in the sky. However, she saw something else that was even more important.

The room lay in ruin. The computer's screen was cracked, claw marks scraped down the wall, and tables were overturned. She rushed to the elevator, but did not make it far when her phone cried out.

"Hello?"

"Sweet, sweet Gaz," the voice on the other line hummed. "How is my little treasure?"

"Zim is that you? Where are you?"

"I figured you would want to know, but that is not of importance at the moment. However, there _is_ something that may capture your fancy."

"What are you talking about? You sound different."

His laugh came through as though he were miles away.

"Zim? Wait, don't hang up."

"Oh, I'm not, Gaz. Why would I ever turn down the opportunity to speak with you? You are the key."

"I don't understand," she said, punching the elevator buttons. If she could keep him on the phone long enough, perhaps she could find out where he was.

"Humans are established on the very idea of emotions. You see, if you love someone enough, you will do anything for them. Am I right?"

"Zim, you—"

"Am I?"

She sighed, but nodded. "Yes, I suppose."

He scoffed.

"You humans are so pathetic. You allow anyone and anything to control you, so long as they appeal to your feelings, or should I say revoke to your likes?" He laughed madly.

"Get to the point."

"Temper, temper, Gaz. You never speak this way to me usually. You certainly did not when you kissed me earlier."

"Everything I said and everything I did was for Zim. You are not Zim. You are some monster those so-called genius scientists released."

"It is hard for you, isn't it? You just cannot accept the fact that I have been here all along. You just couldn't see me. You only saw the one who was different from the others, who wasn't human and would save you from your sorrow. Yet just like the others, you are pathetic, Gaz. You let the death of your mother weaken you. Your feelings shall be the downfall of you just as it will be for all mankind. But if you rid yourself of them now, well," he chuckled, "the feeling is stupendous!"

"You would know," she growled. His words hurt, but she knew it was not him. She left his base and came out onto the streets. _Where should I even go_, she thought.

"Of course. Irkens are superior to humans in more ways than one, this being the perfect example. We do not feel remorse nor do we have mercy."

"Zim does. That is what made me love him. He was different."

"No, Gaz. You love me because I am not human."

"I told you, I don't love you. Zim is—"

"I am Zim!"

Her heart raced at the roaring growl, but she refused to let it show.

"When you get that through your head, you will be better off."

"Tell me where you are."

"Coming after me? Perfect. I have been waiting for you. But I suppose your brother has been waiting for you, too."

She stopped walking. The phone nearly slipped from her hands. He had Dib.

"Just tell me where you are, Zim!"

"Ah, very good. You are beginning to realize that I am Zim after all. Very well. I will tell you. I am at your old school. You remember Miss Bitters? Of course you do. There you will find me. A door in the back near the dumpster will be your way in."

And with that, the phone fell silent. Her legs carried her as quickly as they could manage, passed buildings and down alleys. It was all too much. The memories of her father's voice, her brother's pestering words, the sight of Zim lying unconscious; it attacked her at once. Fear entered her body, powering her with adrenaline.

She tossed the gate to the school yard aside. The metal clank befriended the fog lingering in the courtyard to send panic throughout her. Empty swings swung, ghosts pushing them with hazy breezes. Clouds hid the moon's light and gave no mercy in aiding her search. Though she could hardly see her hand through the darkness, she managed to feel the brick wall of the school enough to seek out the door in which Zim spoke of.

Inside, it was much worse. The lockers were engraved with fresh cuts as though he had walked through the halls scratching each one with his PAK legs. Books shredded, doors pulled from their frames, and shattered windows pounded her heart. Occasionally, she saw a shadow flicker across the wall; a sound would echo through the vents and pound in her mind.

With eyes darting, she found Miss Bitters' room; the only room with a closed door. It inched across the floor, opening with a creek. A single light swung back and forth.

There he stood, peeling petals from a dead rose. One by one, each petal fell to the ground. He snickered as he hummed, "Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet," he glared at her, grinning wickedly, "and so are you."

She shuffled her feet with unease. He dropped the corpse of the flower, now frowning.

"However, Gaz," his boot crushed the flower as he stepped closer to her, "Blood is red, bruises are blue. Death is inevitable," he smirked, "and just for _you_."

"Where is he?"

He smiled, "Who?"

"Don't play with me. Where is Dib?"

His contacts and wig had returned, yet his eyes glowed with a red aura. She had a feeling it was not his true eyes shining through. He was a monster and he was still changing. His claws had grown with scraps of leather clinging to each one from his ripped gloves. Even his body appeared more muscular.

"Dib is not here. He never was."

He laughed at the terror cloaking her face.

"What did I tell you? Humans are emotions. Emotions are demises."

He threw the door closed and slammed her against it. Both hands dragged her close to his body. His tongue hungrily licked down her face and slithered across her throat. A scream was trapped in her throat and he seemed to like it. He growled with pleasure, wrapping a metallic leg around her waist and enveloping her in the darkness of the shadows. Pressing her tightly against the door, he moaned as he closed his eyes and let his hands crawl across her body. She panicked when he began breathing heavy, coming closer, closer.

"Let me go," she cried.

"Never," he hissed. "I need you. Is that not what you said, Gaz?" He leered down upon her fear. "Now you are with me. And I will not let you go."

He placed a hand over her heart and felt it pound, satisfied.

"Don't let the fear consume you. I will protect you!" His eyes danced wickedly.

"But I need someone to protect me from you," she whimpered, pushing him away.

He quickly returned. "I will cause you no harm. You are the key after all."

She gave up the struggle and simply groaned, "The key to what?"

He kissed her harshly, licking across her lips. Then he cackled and whispered, "The key to my revenge."

**A/N**

**See? Nothing M rated lol! I hope you enjoyed it. Next chapter will be up soon!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N**

**This was a tough chapter. I hope the feelings and mood were captured enough. When you get to the end, make sure you read it word for word so that you feel the true mood of it. Enjoy.**

She woke. With heavy eyes, she searched for enough courage to see where she was. Only when she did, she was stunned to see they were in Zim's base. A feather-light fabric tickled her skin and she peered down to see a silk robe draped over her body. She tugged at the hem enclosing her torso so as to eliminate the skin showing below her neck. She felt violated, soiled. The way he touched her, she would never forget. Normally, being so close to him would bring her comfort. But it was now a stranger, a monster touching her. And she did not enjoy it one bit.

She glided across the basement that lay in ruin. Suddenly, something grasped her foot and she could not pull away. She looked down to find a weeping Gir clinging to her desperately. A stuffed animal trembled in his horrified grip.

"Gir!"

"He's coming…"

She shook her head, not understanding, "What?"

But she was too late. The door behind her swung open, hitting the wall behind it with a bang. Gir lifted a shaky finger and pointed at his master.

"He's coming…"

"Zim."

"You are awake," he drummed his fingers together, "Splendid. Gir," with vice piercing his tone, he pointed out the door, "leave."

"But, master—"

"Leave, Gir!"

Gir whimpered and, a tear shining in his eye, crawled out the door. Zim and Gaz were now alone. His eyes wandering, he stared at her body. She wrapped the flaps of the robe tighter around her and stepped away, yet he walked circles around her, leaving her with little space to escape.

"Pure silk," he stated, grabbing a portion of the robe and letting it slide through his hand, "I thought you would appreciate something more delicate." He laughed, dragging her over by the waist. She slapped his hand away and glared bitterly into his eyes.

"Why am I here? What do you want with me?"

"As you already know, I am planning on using you. But for what is of great importance. You see, you hold something that no one else does."

"And what's that?"

He stepped behind her and pulled her hair away, breathing in her scent.

"The power to control Dib."

"How do you figure that," she questioned in disbelief.

"Humans rely on emotions so much. And Dib always wants to protect his baby sister from anyone and anything, especially from his greatest enemy. Me," he grinned. "Should anything happen to you, though, his world would shatter. That is why you are the leverage over your brother, the power over him entirely, if you will."

"So my safety is your blackmail," she concluded.

"Exactly."

"Let me get this straight. You are going to call up Dib, say I am in danger, and expect him to come skipping over here so that you can kill him? Don't you think he'll spot something suspicious in this whole ordeal?"

"Oh, he won't suspect a thing. At least, he won't if you really _are_ in trouble."

She stepped away. The leer on his face grew with each step closer to her. Abruptly, he grabbed her arm and yanked her out of the room. With each step, she struggled though could not break free. He was certainly stronger and she was defenseless. He kicked a door open and threw her inside, locking the door behind them. She staggered to catch her balance, but was quickly lifted again, only this time she was placed onto a bed. He crawled across, pinning her arms and legs down with his PAK legs.

"Now, now, Gaz. Don't fight me. We love each other after all," he purred into her ear.

Striking him in the jaw with the frame of her fist, she growled as she pressed against his unmoving body.

"I'm not something you can play with, Zim! You may have gotten in my head back at the lab, but never again. I won't let you manipulate me anymore."

He roared, falling back. She inched away as she saw the horrendous sight before her. His back arched, his body trembled, his claws tore; she watched as he mutated even more. His claws shredded through the leather gloves and began burrowing into the bed. Fangs now grew from his mouth and his hands clung to his head in pain.

Throwing her down, he dug his claws into her shoulders. She cried out in pain, a sharp ache throbbing through her flesh and bone. He growled, kissing her callously. He swept the robe aside, revealing her stomach and drew a hand across her skin. All the while, her mind and heart raced. She couldn't escape. He was not budging. When he moved to remove the robe entirely, she grabbed his hands.

"Wait. You don't have to do this."

"But that's the thing, Gaz," his eyes narrowed, "I want too."

She rested a hand around his neck, stroking his face tenderly. "No, I mean you don't have to force me."

He glared at her distrustfully, but moved into the massage.

"I've been waiting for this for a long time," she continued, "But before, you were too afraid to advance any further."

He smirked smugly, leaning his face closer.

"That was when I relied on emotions, when I was weak."

She pulled him down into a kiss, occupying his hands with hers_. If I can just distract him a little longer, maybe it will give me time to think of a way out_, she thought to herself. _If he thinks I am on his side, it may give me the upper hand. Not a great plan, but it's all I've got._

He clutched her hand and smiled. She gasped, clinging to him when he lifted her. He tossed a wisp of hair aside, admiring her face. "Don't worry, my love. You will be safe with me. For now."

He carried her out of the room and back into his lab. Placing her firmly in a chair, he stepped over to a screen and began tapping away at buttons. His eyes grew distant and for once, he appeared like his usual form. She noticed his claws looked as though they were neither quite as long nor sharp. The dagger-like fangs which had once pressed against his lips were now decreasing in size. Glancing at the clock, she discovered it to be the same time as the night in which he had last changed back. She took advantage of the change for it was possibly the only chance she had left.

With silent footsteps, she came up behind him. He took no notice as he continued. Out of nowhere, something fell from her pocket. The soft clink rang in his ears and he turned to face her. Before she could retrieve the item, he swiftly claimed it himself.

"What is this," he interrogated, eyeing the trinket.

"It's just my keys."

He spotted a small picture held within a petite frame. Grabbing it delicately, he squinted. "Who is this?"

"My family."

"No," he pointed, "who is that?"

She frowned and turned away. "That's my mother."

He grew silent and let the picture gradually slip from his grasp. He collapsed into his chair, panting. Gaz inched forward, staring cautiously.

"Zim?"

"No. No! I can't…I can't," he shook his head over and over. "It can't be!"

"What? What is it?"

"I remember…"

He fell from the chair, groaning on the ground. She leaned beside him and held him tightly. He rocked back and forth as he pulled at his wig. She knew he was changing back and sighed, clutching him within her arms. In an instant, he was fallen, in her arms with empty eyes.

"Gaz! Please. You need too…"

"Shhhh, it's going to be okay. Just relax, okay? Please," she pleaded, "you're going to be okay."

"You need… Y-You need to kill the monster…"

She pulled away, frightened. "What?"

"I don't want to hurt you," he cried. "I never would. But I can't control myself. You saw me. I'm, I'm a monster," he rolled onto his side, his eyes opening with the cruel realization. "I'm a monster…"

"No, no," she leaned on him, staring down at him, "it was an accident. We'll fix this, just like we do with everything else. We'll get through this."

He shook his head. "No. _We_ won't." Grasping her hand, he stroked her face. "But you will."

"Don't do this," she whimpered.

"If it isn't now, it will be soon. The chemicals, the formula, it's killing me."

She shuddered, eyes wide in disbelief.

"You can't leave me! No! We can finally be together. Just you and me. Nothing is stopping us! We've fought so hard and now we are free. We'll get through this. Zim, please!"

He cried out because he saw that, this time, there was no way out.

"I'm so sorry," he pulled her down on top of him, caressing her hair. "Please forgive me. I never meant to cause you pain. Forgive me…" He gasped, his chest tightening. She watched helplessly as he drew in a final breath. His head fell, eyes distant. His hand released hers and fell back, forever unmoving. She rested her head onto his lifeless body and felt the numbness consume her. No pulse, no breathe, no life; nothing. Everything; all that they had worked for, all that they had fought for was fading until it disappeared completely. He was gone. Zim was dead.

A final kiss was given and she placed her hand along the curve of his face. "Roses are red," she sang softly, "Violets are blue, this is the end, but I'll always love you."

His words echoed. "No, _we_ won't. But _you_ will."

She rested her head down. Her eyes stared, dead. A silent tear dripped. "But I love you..."

**A/N**

**Wow…**

**No, this is not the last chapter. Chapter 8 will be up shortly.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**

**Zim is gone and Gaz is unable to cope. How will she handle the fact that this time, he's not coming home…?**

She was dead; physically existing but not truly living. Each day, every hour dragged by and time was simply another course she was forced to overcome until her time to rest came, too. Occasionally, she would find herself talking to him, as though he was not really gone but simply away. Far away on a voyage in which he would return shortly, saving the day like Prince Charming in the fairytales. But life was no fairytale and as the cycle went on, she discovered this brutal truth more and more.

It was not uncommon to glance out your window and see the girl with lavender hair walking down the sidewalk, alone. With hands stuffed in pockets, eyes hiding behind shadows, and frown glaring at the world, she made her way through the bustling streets and remained in her own world of solitude and desolation.

Everyday, she stopped by his house. Now she was able to step within the empty dwelling without peering at the ground, unable to face the fact that he was no longer there. He once told her that the house seemed lifeless without her; that it no longer held the familiar aura of light it gained once she entered.

"I guess that light died when you left, too, huh?" Her words lingered, completely unheard and soaked up into the hollow walls.

After his death, she grabbed Gir's hand, led him away, and brought him anywhere he wanted to go. But it had no effect on the traumatized robot. An ice cream parlor, a toy store, nothing was working; he refused to regain the smile he had once granted the world. Instead, with ice cream melting down the cone and onto his arms, he stared, in a daze, down at the Formica tables placed in the parlor.

"You're ice cream is melting" she pointed out, licking a drop off of her own, "you better hurry and eat it before you get messier."

Her advice was unheard. She tried again, this time discussing Zim in hopes of getting Gir to open up.

"I remember when I first took him here." She was still unable to speak his name. "I ordered a vanilla cone with sprinkles for myself and a chocolate with sprinkles for him. He was so afraid to try the sprinkles," she laughed, recalling the memory. "When I convinced him that they tasted good, he finally tried it. After that, he ordered eight rounds of sprinkles. Plain sprinkles with no ice cream. He…he really liked those…"

The hours of light had come to a close and darkness had arrived. Few people were at the small shack in those late hours, save for the waiter and the old man cradling a cup of coffee between two hands. They stared at the table, unable to converse any further until he scooted out of his chair, dumping the remains of his sugary treat into a wastebasket. Out the door and onto the streets, he stared at the traffic swooping by.

"Gir, you shouldn't go out alone. Stay with me, okay?"

"He's not coming back, is he?"

She squatted to his level, peering into his eyes. She knew it was coming. The entire day she had awaited the inevitable question yet no matter how much she rehearsed the conversation in her mind, nothing could prepare her for the real occurrence. She wrapped her arms around his small frame, jumping when she made contact with the chilly metal enclosing his body. Never before had he felt so cold. Never before had the world seemed so cold.

"I'm sorry, Gir," was all she could say.

He nodded, grasping a toy she had bought him earlier that day. Zim was all he had. The father figure of his life and now he was gone. With not a single other soul in the world, in the entire galaxy, he had no one left besides the girl before him. Though, she, too, was alone in this unforgiving, unmerciful world.

"Come home, Daddy," Gir whispered.

Gaz growled, squinting back tears, and grasped the small child.

"Are you happy now, Dib? You got what you wanted. You've won," she glared at the ground, "you've won…"

She lifted him and began walking in the direction of Zim's base. It was not safe for her to take him home. Should the scientists find him also, who knew what they would do. _You already took Zim away from me_, her mind stated. _You're not taking Gir, too._

She crawled along the streets, gliding around each corner with mild movement. The robot held firm in her grip had drifted into sleep. He was free. If it was for but a moment, it was still a moment that she did not have. But she could still give it to him. Avoiding the noisy streets, she cut through alleys and faded into the shadows. The horns of cars, the talking of strangers, and the pain in her heart pounded in her head. She frowned, pushing the distractions away. Soon, rain followed by thunder attacked her. Her clothes now drenched, she flung her soggy hair away and shielded Gir the best she could.

It was all too much.

She stopped in an alley and, leaning against the wall, stomped the ground. She faced the moon, screaming in anguish. Rain showered her face and dripped from her brow. She kicked garbage cans, she threw dripping newspapers. She even ripped the keys out of her pocket and tore the picture apart so that Dib and her father were on one half, her mother and herself on the other. Glaring at the ground, she moved to retrieve anything her hands could find. She jerked her hand away as something sharp pierced her finger. With rage boiling within, she grabbed it to shred it apart. But when her eyes fell upon the item, she dropped it as though she had been burned.

It was a dead rose.

Falling to the ground, she clutched Gir to her chest and wept violently.

"You did it! You finally got rid of him! Are you happy now, "she screamed into the storm, "Tell me!" But her brother did not respond. Her boots smashed the rose as she made her way out of the alley and headed towards home.

His hands were full and his phone was ringing. Dropping everything and stumbling to grab the vibrating device before the call ended, he flipped it open and shoved it to his ear as soon as he saw the caller ID.

"Gaz? Thank goodness! We didn't know what happened to you. Where are you? Are you safe?"

She just chuckled lowly, her head drifting to the side.

"I'm fine. As fine as I'll ever be, I guess."

"What do you mean," he stuttered. "Gaz, are you alright?"

"He's dead, Dib. You've beaten us."

"I don't understand."

"Don't play dumb with me. If you're such a genius than you should easily figure this one out. You killed him. You and dad killed him. You wanted to make him more human? Congratulations. Just like everybody else, he died because two greedy idiots didn't know when to stop meddling with science. But when you claim you awards for murdering the first extraterrestrial life form, I want you to remember one thing. You killed him and destroyed two lives that can never be fixed. He was all Gir had and you took that away. You took away any chance that Gir had of surviving on this planet. But that doesn't mean you will get your hands on him. I swear, if you get anywhere near him, I will do whatever it takes to keep him safe. Stay away from me and from him. The same goes for your dad. He isn't mine anymore. I thought he was, but my dad would never be capable of something so cruel. Mom would be disappointed."

The phone fell silent. The call had ended.

She turned her phone off and activated the base's security. After Gir was in bed, she headed to the room in which Zim lay. Though it destroyed her inside, ripped at her very soul, she knew something had to be done with his body. It was only a reminder for both her and Gir. Sliding the door open, the basement was as it had been before. It had not been touched and no one had entered since his death. She stepped around broken chairs and shattered screens; pushed past overturned tables and avoided ruptured beakers. Ducking below a fallen pillar, she let her eyes adjust to the darkness. Either they failed to adjust or what she was seeing was actually real.

Gasping, she hollered, "No!"

Zim was gone.

**A/N**

**Pretty intense chapter. I though the scene in the alley was the most heart-breaking. Reviews and feedback greatly appreciated. Chapter 9 will be up soon.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N**

**Sorry it took so long to update. But, I think, this is my longest chapter of this story yet! Plus it turned out pretty good. Enjoy!**

He was gone. Gaz frantically searched the room, throwing various objects over her shoulder and tossing tables and chairs out of the way, but he was not there. Quickly, with the phone flung open, she dialed her brother's number. It droned on and on and for a moment, she thought he would not pick up. Finally, with his familiar voice on the other line, she snapped, "Where is he, Dib?"

"Who?"

"Stop messing with me," she hollered, finally breaking down into tears from the traumatic week, "you know exactly who! You took him away from me, but did you have to take the body, too? At least give us a proper goodbye. If we have to go on without him, at least give us that!"

"Gaz, calm down! I don't even know what you're talking about."

"Zim, where is he?"

"I don't know."

"You mean," she glanced at the room around her solemnly, "you didn't take him?"

"Why would I take his body? There's nothing we can do with that."

She curled her fists, shaking with resentment. "You're disgusting."

"Wait, what did I—"

"If you can't dissect it or experiment on it, it isn't important. Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

"I didn't mean it that way."

"Then how did you?"

"All I'm saying is that I obviously don't have a reason to take the body. There is nothing we could do with it. There is nothing more we can do to Zim."

"But I can't find him anywhere!"

"Gaz," Dib sighed, "I didn't take him."

She ended the call, allowing the phone to slip from her grip and thud to the ground. Seated on the floor, she peered around the room to observe the destruction. Her heart felt shredded, entirely mauled. Staring down, she whispered, "I don't know what to do. Why can't they just leave us alone? And if it wasn't Dib, then where are you?"

She rose and prepared to leave the room when she heard a soft crunch beneath her boot. She bent down to claim the item, but found pain when she touched it. A drop of blood dripped from her finger. It was then that she remembered the occurrence in the alley. Then, it was a rose that had scraped her. Twisting around, she gasped as she saw yet another dead rose on the floor.

"Zim."

Up on the first floor, she stooped over at the front door. There lied yet another rose. But along with it was a torn scrap of paper. She flipped it over to read the poem scribbled on it.

_Roses are red, Violets are_—… The rest had been ripped away. Below it a single word cried out. School.

Was he at the school? She could not say for sure. Yet she was left with no other option. Her first destination was the school.

As she prepared herself, an image of the building flashed through her mind. The endless terror that she experienced there; her hands grew moist with sweat, her heart grew weary of fear just at the mere thought of revisiting that awful place. Never again did she want to feel that horror. But what was she to do? If there were a chance that he was alive, he would be there. Perhaps she could take…She glanced at Gir.

"What am I thinking? I can't take him. Besides, I've handled worse. No, I'm going to do this alone."

She made way to leave, but something clung to her foot.

Sighing, she glared down and said, "Gir, I have to do this alone. I will be back. I promise."

He would not let go_. He probably knows something is up_, she thought to herself, _and if something happens to me, Gir would be completely alone._ "Okay, fine. You can come. But you have to stay—"

Gir jumped into her arms, squealing.

"Calm," she finished her sentence, groaning. "Okay, let's go."

Just as it was last time, the school remained dead. The only sign of life was the creeping wind which crawled through doorways and around the playgrounds. She saw shadows, figures of beings not really there. Gir burrowed deeper into the safety of her jacket. She had come dressed in light layers; nothing heavy and nothing warm save for the jacket. It was in the middle of summer, yet when she approached the school, it grew colder, different. As though she had entered a new world entirely, she found the need for warmth growing.

The door creaked open and Gir shivered.

"It's okay," she lied, "we'll be fine. We just have to find…" Her eyes scanned each number hanging beside the classrooms until she located the door she needed. "Miss Bitters' classroom."

She stepped inside and placed Gir on the ground. "I want you to keep a constant look out for anyone or anything that may be coming while my back is turned. Let me know if you see anything."

"Affirmative," Gir saluted as he entered duty mode. The antenna on his head began beeping lowly, calmly. So far, they were in the clear.

The light that had once brightened merely a fragment of the room had long been turned off. With no flashlight, she pried her phone open and shined it ahead so that she could see just before her. Though it did not aid her much as she stumbled over desks. Finally, she switched the lamp on, finding a note smothered in blood. On it, nearly the entire remainder of the poem was written across. Except for the words "and so are you."

"He's hurt. Badly. But he must still be alive." She faced Gir. "Where we find the end of the poem, we will find Zim."

She moved to scoop Gir up when his antenna began twitching and beeping nonstop.

"What is it?"

"Something is coming," Gir cried.

"Let's get out of here! Come on," she grabbed Gir and ran.

Indeed, something was there. But it was not so much of some_thing_ as it was some_one_. She caught glimpse of a blurry figure crawling down the halls. Someone scraped the lockers, someone laughed; someone was following them. She rounded the corner and could see the exit. Sweet freedom, it illuminated the doorway. But the being was there, waiting. A grin with dagger teeth crossed its face. She skidded to a stop, grabbed Gir, and took off in the opposite direction.

"There's got to be another way out of here!" But so far, every door she tried was locked. She ran down into the basement. Once, she had heard there was an underground tunnel running beneath the school. The entrance had supposedly been located in the basement.

"I don' have any other choice."

She crawled down the stairs, minding her footsteps. So far, whatever had been following them was nowhere in sight. She planned to keep it that way. Steam lingered in the air, creating the illusion of someone standing nearby. Her eyes darted automatically to each figure only to find it fade away as the view cleared. A pole, a chair, a box; each one looked as though it were watching her as she slowly made her way through the room. Gir shivered in her grip and she tried her best to contain her fear.

So far, there was nothing. No door, no hole in the ground. Not even a single crack in the wall. In the boiler room, she bowed her head as she dodged a fallen beam. Electricity sparked, wires coiled, and smoke floated. She found a mass of destruction surrounding something. When she moved broken chairs and shattered glass aside, a soft breeze hit her face. She had found the tunnel. But from the looks of it, whoever had been following them had tried to block it, hide it from her sight.

"They're trying to keep us in here," she whispered. "We have to hurry, Gir."

They traveled through the tunnel for nearly an hour. The only light was of that radiating from Gir and from her watch. Occasionally, a faint hiss or groan would echo through the tunnel. Once she could have sworn she even felt someone whisper in her ear, calling her name. But each time, no one was there.

Gir was getting tired. His feet were dragging and his arms swung back and forth limply with each step. Every so often, she was forced to carry him as he began falling behind. Luckily, he was walking; surprisingly faster than her. She, too, was growing tired. She stopped to check her watch when she felt something graze her face.

"I think we're getting close. The breeze is getting stronger."

"Gaz…"

It was the voice again. She whipped around, trying to see through the darkness. No one. Gir waited up ahead, tilting his head in confusion.

"It's okay. It was nothing."

Gaz squinted, trying to see through the darkness. What appeared to be a ladder was coming into view. At the top was a manhole. Gir climbed up as she kept a close eye on their surroundings. When he was up, her hands clung to each rung and began pulling her up.

The light on her watch died. She gasped, catching the last bit of light pouring in from above as the manhole was covered. Something resembling a spider leg had closed it. She clung to the ladder, floating in darkness when someone grabbed her and threw her to the ground. Claws cupped her face. A musty fragrance burned her lungs.

"My beloved Gaz," the voice whispered. "You never give up, do you?"

"Who are you? Show yourself," she hollered.

"In time, you will see. But Gaz? Listen," he gripped her face tighter and whispered in her ear, "he is dead."

"No, he isn't. He's alive and I'm going to find him. Then, we will get rid of you."

"Oh, you think so? I would like to see you try."

She pried at his hands, but they would not budge.

"You don't need him," it growled. "You can be mine." Fingers crawled up to her jacket and zipped it open before moving to her shirt.

She pushed the figure back.

"Get away from me!"

"Your brother killed him, Gaz. He no longer lives. Zim is dead," the form mocked.

She turned away, yet he continued.

"You couldn't save him."

She clasped her ears, screaming, "Get out of my head!"

He laughed softly and she felt the presence leave. She staggered up the ladder, shoving the exit open. Gir immediately jumped on her.

"Gazzy! Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she coughed. "We need to find Zim quickly."

"Who was that down there?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. But it isn't Zim. I know it isn't."

"It sounded like him," Gir sulked, staring at the ground.

"Listen, I don't know what's going on but that was not him. He may have sounded like him, but it wasn't the Zim we know."

Gir nodded.

Gaz glanced around. There was nothing but a lifeless forest surrounding them. Peering down the hill, she could see glaring lights from a nearby city. It was the city that she lived in, at least that is what she thought.

"Do you know where we are? More importantly, do you know where my dad's lab is?"

He scanned the area before pointing off into the distance. Turning, she could see the silhouette of a large building. _That must be it_. They swiftly made their way through the forest and landed on the plain surrounding the laboratory. As they approached the door, Gaz buried Gir within the fabric of her jacket before retrieving a card from her pocket. Sliding it through the receiver, the door clicked open and they were inside.

"Help me keep an eye out for anyone, including Zim or that monster."

Gir nodded.

"We need to head to the fourth floor. That's where I found him before."

As if the building knew of her plans before even she did, the elevator behind her descended to the first floor and the doors slid open. She eyed it cautiously before stepping in. Hesitating, she moved to press the button for the fourth floor when the elevator took over and did so itself. It slowly floated up, but midway, it froze. She punched on the doors, growling irritably. Suddenly, a faint buzz coming from the intercom above grew into a maddening hiss. Gir cried, covering his ears. Deranged laughter echoed, bouncing off the walls and ringing in her head.

"You can't scare me! You're not real," Gaz yelled.

"Oh, but that is where you are wrong, my dear, precious Gaz. I am real. And you will see that very soon!"

The elevator jolted and began climbing once again. When the doors jerked open, she scrambled out in time to see the elevator screech and plummet to the first floor. All the while, the laughter echoed until it died down in the flames sparking from the calamity.

The room was just up ahead.

She sprinted to the doorway, smiling in expectation. Her heart stopped. Shaking her head, she gazed around. It was empty.

"I-I don't understand. He was supposed to be here. Why isn't he here?"

"Now you see."

She turned, tears of hate drenching her face. The imposture, the lookalike was there, peering at his claws in disdain.

"You disgusting humans, you never learn." A wisp of paper drained through his fingers and drifted to the floor. From where she was standing, she could clearly see the remainder of the poem on it.

"You sent the note," her voice quivered in disbelief. She frowned, her eyebrows furrowing. Glaring at the scrap, her lip trembled. "I thought you were someone else."

"It was not me."

"What?"

"I did not lead you on, my dear."

"Then who wrote it?"

"Who knows," he shrugged. "I simply used it to my advantage to find you. I knew you would thoughtlessly follow the trail in hopes of finding your lover." His finger traced her tears, a false frown mimicking sympathy crossing his face. "But you didn't find him, did you?"

She shook her head, so tired of it all. "I'm so sick of it," she groaned, "I'm just so sick of it all."

He stepped behind her and combed his fingers through her hair. "His absence is killing you. Does it hurt?"

She trapped the tears with squinted eyes. "It hurts so bad."

"Ah, but Gaz, you don't have to hurt anymore. Just let go."

"What?"

"Forget he existed," he muttered slowly.

"I can't. I won't!" She moved away, but he returned.

"Your pain can go away. No more pain, no more heartache. Isn't that what you want?"

Shaking her head, she cried, "I want Zim."

His eyes narrowed and, with hands gripping her shoulders, he shouted, "he is not coming back!"

"Get away from her!"

They both gasped as something tackled the lookalike. Metallic legs swooped through the air and the being landed. She stammered back, not believing her eyes. She fell to her knees as she whispered, "Zim…"

**A/N**

**Cliff hanger! You will love the next chapter. Thanks for reading!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N**

**This is probably the most intense chapter ever. Warning, there is a lot of blood. People wanted a bloody fight scene so that Zim could get revenge, so here it is! I was listening to Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin towards the end of the chapter (I don't want to give away too much, but I'll just say it was whenever Zim 'changes') and it made it ten times better! Just a suggestion ;) Enjoy and Review.**

**I do not own Invader Zim or Diary of Jane **

"Gaz!" Zim cried, rushing to her side.

"I-I don't understand…"

Zim cradled her in his arms. She struggled to breathe, shaking her head.

"It's okay. It's okay. I'm here," he said, stroking her softly. "I'm here…"

She remained still, afraid to look at him.

"Gaz?"

"Please… I don't want to be hurt again," she whispered, "if it isn't really you."

He kissed her, the tears burning as they rolled down his face. "It's me," he pulled back. "You've got to believe that. I swear it's me." He rose, standing guard in front of her and glaring at the other Irken. "And I won't let him near you ever again!"

"So, the mighty lover does live? Hmph. How tragic it will be when she has to witness your death twice!" His laugh caused Gaz to cringe. Spider legs crawled from each of their PAKs, both Zim and the look-alike. They collided and the room was filled with the sound of anguished screams, clanking metal, and ripping flesh. Zim jerked the legs out from beneath the Irken, causing him to fall. He pounced atop him and began striking him across the jaw, the nose, his neck. Anywhere he could land a blow, he powered each attack with the fury and rage he felt each time he thought of the pain Gaz had experienced.

"And it was all because of you!" Zim yelled.

He threw him across the room. The Irken staggered back, blood running down his temples. He tore an axe from the wall, laughing as he read the emergency warning.

"Only use in case of fire? Let's put it to better use!"

With teeth smothered in blood, he sliced the air with the blade. Each blow barely missed Zim.

"Suffer," he grinned, crimson sputtering from his mouth.

The ax scraped Zim's side, producing a heart-stopping cry that echoed throughout the room. His hands clung to his ribs and withdrew to find the blood seeping through. He walked parallel to the Irken, observing his movement and planning his evasion.

"Everything we worked for, each conflict Gaz and I ever conquered; you will not take that away from us!"

"Your efforts will die just as you will," he growled. "I just wonder how your precious little Gaz will handle your death. She couldn't make it through the last time and that was when you were still alive. How will she manage when she witnesses your true death?"

He hopped onto the ceiling, eyes peering at Gaz. Crawling across, he cackled as he dropped down, grabbed her, and placed the ax at her throat. Zim made way towards the pair, but the other Irken ceased his rescue.

"Don't move. You wouldn't want anything to happen to her, would you?"

"Forget about me, Zim!" Gaz hollered. "Just finish him off!"

"Eh, eh, eh," he mocked, "we both know you can't do that."

Zim sighed, but stepped back and glared hatefully as the Irken stroked Gaz.

"That's better. You see, we can all get along…"

"Where did you come from?" Gaz choked out, struggling in his grip.

"Why, from your father, of course!"

"What?" she questioned in disbelief.

"You see, your father and brother are responsible for my birth. They cloned him!" His finger pointed accusingly at Zim. "I am merely the product of science and humanity's naive nature."

"You're a clone?" Gaz asked. "Are there others?"

"There would have been if they hadn't unleashed your lover's beast."

"Don't you dare blame this on him! That was never Zim. That was you!"

"You think so? I admit, it was me down in the tunnel beneath the school. But I was not the one that you rescued from the laboratory nor was it me when you witnessed the death. No, my dear. It was all him. I suppose you just didn't believe him when he told you this earlier, did you?"

She remained silent.

"Wait a second," he peered at Zim scornfully, "he didn't tell you, _did_ he?"

Gaz looked at Zim desperately, but Zim looked away shamefully.

"Oh!" he chuckled. "You thought that was all me, did you? You wanted to blame the merciless nature you witnessed on the monster your father created? How typical of humans. You cannot even accept that fact that there is a monster within all of us!"

"Enough!" Zim whipped a shard of glass at the Irken. The glass cut into his throat and threw him to the ground. Gaz staggered back, watching as blood trickled down his neck. Zim grasped her shoulders and, pleading, he said, "Gaz, that monster you saw in the beginning, the one that hurt you, that was me. But I promise, I didn't mean to! I didn't want to hurt you! I tried to explain what happened, with the injection and the clone, but I didn't have time. Please, forgive me…"

Instantly, her mind brought forth the nightmare she replayed in her mind over and over; the scene of his death. As he lay there, frantically pleading for forgiveness and drawing in the last of his breath, she was brought back to the present day to find Zim's eyes begging just as they were then.

Her watched beeped, alerting her and she gasped. Suddenly, Zim growled and fell to the floor. His back arched, his claws grew, and his fangs sharpened. He was changing. Tears dripped onto him as she remained by his side. Just as she had expected, her tears were not hurting him because of the injection.

"No matter what," she whispered, grasping his hand, "you were never the monster. They did this to you; they did this to us." She stroked his face. He glared up, eyes fiery and soulless. His growls grew deeper and she found that she was no longer afraid as he rose to towering heights. "Now, it's time to end this." Glaring at the clone, she pulled the fire alarm and water rained down upon him. The Irken cried out, burning in the foreign liquid. Zim snarled, throwing him to the ground and began shredding at his flesh. The clone grasped Zim's fist and stared up at him.

"We are alike. We are nothing more than slaves to these humans," he wheezed, "they will never stop betraying you!"

Zim roared, digging a metallic leg into his torso. The metal pierced all the way through and pinned him to the ground. He cried out, blood trickling from his temple and down his eyes. He looked at Gaz and reached a hand out.

"N-No! This isn't right! You are supposed to be with me. I am the original. I am not a copy! I am not a copy…"

Gaz shook her head, "you are a monster!"

"But I remember… I remember when we first met. I helped you move on from your grief, the loss of your mother. Your brother, he was always after us because he hated me…How could- How…"

It was then that she realized the truth. Since he was a clone, he too had the same memories as Zim. He had the copies of the experiences Zim actually went through, but in his mind, he was the original creator of those memories.

"Your memories are just copies," she finally said, her eyes filled with sorrow. "You never went through them because they cloned you—"

"No! I was the one to go through it. I made those memories!"

"It's never too late to make your own life," Gaz said lowly.

He shook his head. "If I cannot have you, what is the point in living?" His breaths grew shallow as he stared at the ceiling. The water pouring from the sprinklers dripped across his face as he whispered, "Roses are red, Violets are blue. Sugar is sweet…" He gasped, a final stream of blood dripping from his body, and glanced at Gaz, "and so are you…" and with that, he fell to the ground, his eyelids closing forever. She sighed, staring at the ground.

"Good bye," she whispered.

Panting, Zim removed the lifeless body from the metal shard and stepped towards Gaz. He hissed, yet stumbled in confusion He fell to the ground, squirming in pain. Gaz cradled his face between her hands and saw that he still held the same distant look within his eyes. She had to find a cure. There had to be a remedy. She had to— she stopped herself_. I will get the vaccine from Dib. Everything will return to normal. But first, I just want to remain with him._

Instead, she kissed him and simply said, "Let's go home."

**A/N**

**I have to admit: that was pretty epic. Especially the part where he recited the poem one last time to her. I have to admit, even though he was a blood-thirsty monster who nearly destroyed their lives, I sort of felt bad for him. -.- I am so weird. Anyways, the next chapter is the last chapter! Chapter 11 will be up soon!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N**

**The last chapter of Shredding my Sanity is here! I must admit, I will miss this story. It has come a long way. But it leaves room for more Zagr stories :D. Enjoy! **

His eyelids twitched open and took in his surroundings.

"Gaz?" Zim muttered.

"Shhh. I'm here," she whispered, stroking his face.

"Where are we?"

She turned on a lamp before turning towards him, smiling warmly. "Were at your base. You're safe."

Something glistened in her grasp, catching his attention. It was an injection. Aiming the shot at his arm, she could see the evident fear lurking in his eyes.

"It's the cure," she reassured. "It'll fix you."

"Will I ever truly be 'fixed', Gaz?"

The injection rested in her unmoving hand as she stared at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You saw that monster," he said, lifting his hands into view and peering at them. "Is that what I really am? And if so, is it best for me to…"

"To what," she questioned.

"Should I even be allowed to live?" he laughed lowly, bitterly.

She shook her head. "The scientists created that monster. You had nothing to do with it."

"But to think that I am capable of such evil…It frightens me Gaz. It really does."

"You aren't evil, Zim! And never again will they get the chance to do that to you. We'll run away if we must, but we will remain together no matter what." She kissed him lightly. "I love you."

He grazed her skin with the back of his hand. "When I was dying, it was so hard."

"What do you mean?"

"The last thing I saw was you. The touch of your skin, the warmth of your tears; Gaz, I thought I was never going to see you again. I was so afraid that that was it. And it wasn't fair. All of my life, I lived a lie. On Irk, I was never happy. I thought that there was nothing more to life besides serving the Tallest and fighting. Who knew I would find my happiness halfway across the galaxy?" he laughed, reaching up to cup her face. "I never knew I was capable of loving someone as much as I do you."

She crawled atop his chest, laying her head down. He stroked her hair, gazing up at the ceiling. "I love you, Zim," she whispered.

He smiled. He glanced down when she moved, watching as the needle neared his arm. The end pierced through and the liquid within slowly entered his body. He sighed and laid his head back down.

"Nothing is stopping us now," he said.

Her smile fell into a frown before she rose and grabbed her phone. "One thing is."

He raised an eyebrow, his eyes following her closely as she walked into the hallway. She dialed the number and brought the phone to her ear, her heart pounding all the while.

"Hello?" Dib answered.

"Hey, um, it's me," she began slowly.

"Gaz," he gasped. "Where are you?"

"I'm with Zim."

"Zim? But I thought…"

"So did I. But I was wrong. And I've never been so happy to be wrong before."

He paused. For a moment, she thought he had hung up. Only until she heard him sigh did she realize he was still there.

"When are you coming home?"

Her throat tightened and she gulped, shaking her head. "I'm…I'm not, Dib."

"What?" he breathed in disbelief.

"I'm not coming home. I called to say goodbye."

Behind her, Zim sat up and eyed her.

"What are you talking about? This is insane. Why? What happened?"

"I've been through a lot the past few days. And during that time, I realized something." She leaned against the wall, her head drifting to the side. "We will never be accepted. Everyone will constantly try to keep Zim and me apart." She rubbed her arms, feeling the small bumps which prickled across her skin. "They'll never stop chasing us."

"You don't have to choose this life, Gaz! There's still hope," he begged. "You can come home and everything will return to the way it was. You don't have to do this!"

"If I don't do something, who will? I'm all Zim has. And he's all I have."

"That's not true. You have a family; you have a life you need to return to!"

Tears fell and she watched them drip onto the floor below. "He's my life," she said finally.

"Gaz, No!"

She choked, the lump in her throat suffocating her. "Goodbye, Dib," she whispered.

The phone slid shut with a click. Slipping from her grasp, it clattered on the floor before resting. Walking up to her, Zim grasped her from behind.

"You didn't have to do that," he said lowly.

"I meant what I said," she turned towards him. "You are my new life."

"But I never meant for you to give up your family."

"I'll see them again. When they accept you, it will all return to normal. Until then, we live our lives as one."

He kissed her, resting his head on her shoulder. All was silent until he began laughing. She looked at him as though he had gone mad.

"What?" she chuckled.

"For the life of me, I cannot get that poem out of my head now."

She tipped her head to the side, baffled. "Poem?"

He picked her up to which she laughed. He placed her on the floor and leaned down, pushing her hair back and sinking his face into her neck. "Roses are red, Violets are blue," he whispered, kissing her. "Sugar is sweet, and so are you…"

**A/N**

**And there you have it! I thought the ending with the poem added a nice touch ^-^ I hope you enjoyed the story and thank you so much for sticking with me all the way through! It had some pretty intense moments but as always, Zagr prevailed! Future Zagr stories on their way! (I'm thinking about doing an Alice in Wonderland based story. If you would like that, just let me know) Peace!**


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